Quiet Please!!!

Right you have to be very quiet because i am in a place for something very special today.
You see those two up there with the bloke in the Jedi robes. Well that's not Luke and Yoda. It is in fact Autie Estelle and Uncle Ray. And we are here in their church for their baby's christening. And if you look closely you can just see baby Samuel in his arms.
Now of course i was very good in church. No crying, no shouting, one minor little burp but i think i got away with it when nobody was listening!
However in the end i got a bit bored and so the best thing to do was just drop off.
Now this is me at the buffet afterwards being held by another Jo. This is Jo from mum's work and if you look closely just in the background you can see mad Laura (thats what dad calls her anyway). She also works with mum.
So welcome to the world Samuel Joseph Padraig (hope that was the right way round). Its tough out there, especially with your dad (pompey fan - Laura's husband Dave knows what i mean!). Right, where is all the cake Laura?
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Bouncy, bouncy, bouncy, bouncy...

...fun, fun, fun, fun, fun.
Hi everyone. Well this week Uncle Steve turned 40 (no sniggering from you people who are not far off it and you know who i'm talking about).
We went to his house in Wolverhampton as Auntie Jo had arranged a huge party for him. And in the garden she has a huge trampoline. I think actually she is one of those nosy neighbours who lust bounces up and down to spy on other people.
Any way road up, i thought it would be a good idea if i gave it a go. After all, what's good for Tigger is good for me.
And here we go. This is me gingerly getting on it. Need a bit of a helping hand from dad there.
No problems so far. A bit of a doddle this. Can't see what Natatsha finds so difficult!

Ooops, hang on. We have a bit of a wobble situation.
Dont let go dad!! Oh no baby right, baby right.
Not good, not good. Over on my back and not sure how to get up.
Oh its all too tiring for me. Think i'll just have a bit of a nap now to recover some energy.
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The F-Word

WARNING - THE FOLLOWING REPORT MAY CONTAIN OFFENSIVE BEEPS. AS I AM UNDER A CERTAIN AGE I AM NO ALLOWED TO SWEAR LIKE THE GOD WHO IS GORDON RAMSAY.
Hi everyone.
Well it has been another scorcher today and it's late in the evening and dad still hasn't done any dinner for him and mum.

So, being the helpful little thing that i am i thought i would lend a hand.
Mum and dad are having Thai Fishcake Salad with Hot Spicy Prawns (Ok for some. I had a big bowl of carrots followed by chopped banana).
Now i have the very important job of preparing the dressing so i thought i would take you through the stages of a classic Marie Rose Sauce.
Now the first thing you need is a BEEP big spoon. The BEEP bigger the BEEP better.
Then you need ingredients.

What i have here is Heinz Salad Cream, full fat not that BEEP BEEP light stuff mum eats. A good dollop of this in a bowl is what is needed. Next we take some Tomato Ketchup. As you can see i am using Heinz. Thats because it is the best. Don't get me started on BEEP other Ketchup's. Never BEEP been Tomato Ketchup. There's only one BEEP daddy in the ketchup world and its not BEEP Daddys!!!

Put these together in a bowl and give it a really good stir with your spoon. Now don't worry about any BEEP mess. That is what dad's are there for. To clean up after us and everything.
And there you have it. A lovely Marie Rose dressing. Just drizzle this all over your salad and in no time you will have forgotten that what you are actually eating is BEEP BEEP rabbit food!!!

I hope you enjoyed this very special edition of the F-Word.
Join us tomorrow when we will be seeing if Eyore can survive in an oven at 220 celsius!
Bye,
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It looks like a potty...

... but its not!
Its a fantastic new device i have called a bumbi, or bumbo or something like that.
Basically its my own personal armchair, and it helps me to sit up and strengthen my back.

It also means that i can sit down and enjoy a good book without anyone holding it for me.

So if you will excuse me i need to get back to the exploits on Buttercup Farm. It's only 8 pages but it's a cracking read. And dad knows it off by heart now.
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I've done it!

As regular readers of this column will know I have, for several weeks now, been getting very close to rolling over. This would be very good as it is the pre-cursor to me being up and off and crawling about (watch out dog!). Up to now it has taken my dad giving me a push with his foot. However, last night....
..I did it.
And there was nobody there to see it, apart from the previously mentioned mutt.











This photograph was taken moments after through the kitchen window (the mutt had got bored at this point and gone).
As you can see from this photograph (which dad says he had no idea about and thank you very much mum!) everyone was dead impressed.
NOT!!
There is no pleasing some people.
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Mad for it again!!

Check out the gear!

How good do i look. I've got the cool hat, the worn looking jacket. The only thing missing is a pair of combats.
Anyway this me and my posse getting ready for an awesome weekend away. Actually we are just going to Graham and Viv Fountain's for the weekend but hey, it's an all nighter!
Party on animals!
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If at first you don't succeed....

...try a cute face for Grandma.

No? Oh dear. Dad has been threatening me (anyone want to report him to Childline please feel free) and he says its about time i got off my bum. Literally.
So we had better give it a go!
Ok, a quick shove from dad and we are on our belly.
Now, push up with the arms.
Ok this is trickier than i thought. The problem is that my belly sticks out further than my arms do, and if get one stuck under me i look like a turtle with his legs withdrawn.
Ok, scratch that idea for now. Lets just concentrate on my book. Now what do i need? There is definately something missing. It's a scary book. I don't know what's going to happen to Dillon Donkey.
Grandad - hold my hand if you please!
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Putting on the Ritz....

Well not quite!!

Actually it's Morrisons cafe just across the road from us. This is my dad's favourite place for breakfast. He says it's a bargain and you can't argue with the 200 builders off the site next door!!

Might as well make the best of it. I'll have the eggs benedict to start with and then a little yoghurt.
No? Ok then, if i do this really cute face then just maybe dad might give us some of his bacon and sausage cobs.
Go on dad. Give us a bite.
Unfortunately the cute face no longer works on dad. This is what comes of spending two months at home, just me and him.
Ah well.
We have our own delights. Bluberry porridge. Smells just like the muffins from Millies!!
This is ZRA saying BFN (anyone who remembers Jimmy Young will know what i'm on about).
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